I flat cannot believe it has been a year since I blogged on this site. Sorry… I know that makes me a terrible blogger.
Still at my “new” job, still love it. Still on the daily Klonopin and Buspirone, and my world grows larger each day.
So, about the flight. A while back, my wife came home and told me that her boss had offered her his condo in Maui for a week in May, that she had already turned him down (because of me- unspoken, but true) once, and that the family was going, with or without me.
I thought on this for a day. And told her ok… But with a stipulation. I needed a shakeout flight first. I did not want my first flight in ten years to be five hours over the ocean to an ISLAND. So, I suggested that we grab one of those SouthWest fun fares to Vegas, as it is a quick one hour flight, and would be cheap and easy. She agreed, and told me to make it as soon as possible, so that I would not worry about the flight to Maui until May.
So, I made the reservation. Not cheap. Cost us $1000 for one night in Vegas. But, I flew! For the first time in ten years, I flew. For the first time sober, probably ever, I flew. When we were going through security on our way down, I was numb. Even with the Klonopin, I was still scared positively shitless. But, a funny thing happened after I got through security. I relaxed. I smiled. I almost enjoyed the flight. I had a couple of flighty moments, no pun intended, where I considered that I might freak out. But I didn’t. We made it.
I had some residual anxiety for a bit when we got there, but found that it went away quickly. We enjoyed our night, went for a walk the next day, ate well, gambled a little. Got ready for the flight home. At the airport for a couple of hours, waiting for the flight, I was almost giddy. No anxiety, no nervousness. I did wrestle a bit with our late “A” boarding pass, and gave in to the madness, paying $60 for two priority passes to move us up fifteen spots. A few heart palpitations on the way home, but all-in-all, a successful trip.
So again, if you are struggling, medication could help. Don’t give up, keep trying different options until you find what works for you. My “home base” used to be a single room in the house, where I felt somewhat safe, especially after a tumbler full of vodka. After many years and many different strategies, my “home base” has expanded to anywhere within an hour flight of home, even sober. I might add a quarter of a pill on the next flight to make me even more comfortable, but even without- I know I can get through it.
Next stop, Maui.