It’s a weird feeling. Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome, or maybe just the fact that I’ve lived with anxiety and panic for fifteen solid years. But now that the medication has all but removed my panic, I sometimes feel like something is missing. That I don’t feel normal.
Not to say that I prefer the anxiety over my current state. It’s a good feeling. But I was walking into Target the other night and I kept feeling like something was missing. It finally occurred to me that it was the anxiety that I didn’t feel. I’m sure that weirdness will fade in time, and this will be my new normal. A normal normal. What a concept.
Tomorrow is my last day at my current job, and off to my new adventure. I should be terrified right now, but I’m not. I feel nothing but sheer elation at moving on from a job that I have been miserable at for several years. A job that fear kept me from leaving for so long. I feel excitement at being re-energized, and ready to get to work. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I can’t wait for the next morning to receive my new gifts.