Or am I? This may go down as the shortest blog ever, or maybe I am just getting started.
I have been on .5 mg of Klonopin a day for a week now. I feel like a different person. Seriously different. Like the way I used to feel before I had panic attacks. Like normal.
- I had a job interview on Tuesday with a VP, and Director, and my potential Manager. No way I would have got through that a month ago. In fact, just two weeks ago I had my initial interview with the hiring manager, and even after a Xanax, I was so panicked I thought about just leaving and scrapping the whole idea. A month ago, the mere thought of changing jobs would have scared me so much I would have found an excuse to get out of the interview. Instead, I got the job.
- I went to the dentist, also on Tuesday. Just a cleaning, but still, I went with no fear, no trepidation. The old me would have been out of my mind with anxiety and panic all weekend, knowing that I had a job interview and the dentist on Tuesday. Are you kidding me? Instead, I went. Good-natured, relaxed, and happy. No surge of panic when the dentist came in and told me that I need a filling. Just scheduled the appointment.
- I seek out long drive-thru lines, and sit happily in them.
- I go for two-mile walks with my wife with no panic whatsoever.
- I ride every elevator I can find with no fear. No “What if?” thoughts.
- I don’t dive off of the freeway when I see brake lights ahead. I sit in traffic with everyone else.
- I am seriously entertaining thoughts of flying somewhere with my wife.
Seriously. It’s as if the panic is just gone. No more anxiety. I go to sleep almost immediately at night, much to my wife’s chagrin. (I may or may not snore pretty loudly, so she likes to get to sleep before me.) I don’t have any weird side effects. I don’t feel tired. I just feel normal. I left the gym on Tuesday, the sun was shining, and I just kept grinning like an idiot. I honestly never believed I would feel normal again.
My only regret is that I didn’t take these pills the first time she offered them to me, three years ago. I have wasted three years on fear and panic. Three years I could have been having fun with my family.
I feel so distant from the scared guy wrapped in a blanket chugging vodka wondering if I was going to go crazy and end up locked up, or killing myself. I can’t believe that was me. I feel sad for me. I’ve spent fifteen years feeling miserable.
Again, I’m not pushing anything on anyone. But I do read quite a few blogs from people who won’t leave the house. I feel you. I know your pain, and I have tried to avoid meds for years. But for me this stuff really seems to work. Talk to your doctor. Maybe you don’t have to suffer.
I am not a doctor, and these are just my experiences. I don’t endorse or recommend any medication, and this silly blog should in no way be construed as medical opinion or recommendation. Talk to your doctor. They know what they are doing. I only hope to share my actual experiences with the medication to help allay the fear of someone who, like me, might be afraid to take it.
Oh, and the best part? I can fully indulge my Dr. Pepper addiction and give zero shits about my caffeine intake. When I start to shake, I back it off a bit.. 🙂
Hang in there. You can do this. I promise.